He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
