just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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