Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize