obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
