When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
