and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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