I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
