he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
