I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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