i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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