They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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