I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
