if you like me you must not know who I am
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
