"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
