I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
