Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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