im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
