made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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