Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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