One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
