you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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