There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
