GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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