Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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