I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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