pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
