I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
