It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
