____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
