Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
