just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
