All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
