the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
