I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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