im having a threesome with these popsicles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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