My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
