The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
