I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
3 2 1 whiskey
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He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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