I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
