Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
