who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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