But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
