i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
