i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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