To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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