I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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