You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
