what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
