dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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