I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He passed out mid-signature
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
