wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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