that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize