your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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