if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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