..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
