dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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