Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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