You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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