My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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