worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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