someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize