I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
