dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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