Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
